Okay, now let’s begin.
I was talking to my friend the other day and he was telling me about how he compares himself to his friends who are in a relationship, and sometimes feels a bit rubbish because he’s not in one. That got us talking about comparing ourselves to other people in general, the way they live their lives and the way we live our own.
I’ve always been my own person. I haven’t really been a sheep at any stage, following others because they were doing something cool. I didn’t do or wear anything unless I wanted to, regardless of it being cool. And I wasn’t afraid of doing or wearing something that wasn’t cool, either. (I have ‘My Other Car is a TARDIS’ on my number plates, and a badge that says ‘This is a Wug’, with a picture of a Wug on it. So there are some examples for you).
I remember when I was 13, and my best friend had started drinking. She would go off to a field near where she lived with kids our age and older, and drink alcopops which were easy enough to buy from the local off-license. I remember not being able to understand how freezing your butt off in a field at 10pm just to have a drink could be even the slightest bit appealing. My friend used to tease me about it, thinking she was much more of a grown up than I was. Then she started smoking, and I remember our conversation one break time; she was telling me I should try it, and said, “You’re so boring, you don’t even know how to have fun.”
I don’t know how my parents did it, but I just wasn't interested in any of that stuff.
Far be it for me now, aged 19, to dictate to others how they should live their lives. I offer advice when it’s asked for, but anything else isn’t really my business. Now of course, we all have our little bitching sessions with our friends, and I can’t say for a second that I’m not one of those people. And I’m not naive either, to think that I have never been the subject of other people’s gossip. That’s just life. But what I’m not prepared to do now, is to worry about whether or not I’m like everybody else. I’ll do what I want, how I want, and I’ll take my own sweet time doing it, thank you very much.
Back to my friend - he was saying about how he was worried certain things would never happen for him. I knew this feeling well enough to know that it doesn’t come out of nowhere, but rather from seeing other people moving at a faster speed than you are in certain aspects of life, be it relationships, education, work, getting married, having a family, or even just being settled in general. And so I told him this:
There is no point comparing yourself to someone else. You can’t possibly be the same as anyone else, because you are not that person, and they are not you. You can’t compare an apple to a banana, because they are not the same. You can’t even compare a red apple to a green apple. Likewise, you cannot compare yourself to anyone else, because there is not another you. Everyone does things in their own way, and in their own time. As long as you are happy with how you live your life, that’s all that matters. If other people have a problem with it, that’s their business.
I was too scared to take the stabilisers off of my bike for a while.
I’m quite the nerd as well. I like to learn, which seems quite alien to a lot of people, even those I go to university with (which I find completely bizarre as they’ve chosen to study - but then again, I’m not one to judge). I get strange looks from some people when I say that I’ve completed an essay a week before it’s due, and people make remarks about the amount of background reading I like to do, or the amount of time I like to put into my studies - but that’s just me. And I like me, for the most part.
I won’t lie to you, reader, it has taken a long time for me to make this revelation. Some nineteen years, in fact. I have of course compared myself to others in the past, especially if other people were out being cool, and I wasn’t, even if it was out of choice. As a teenage girl I constantly compared - actually, compare - myself to the way others look, but I haven’t changed my style. Although I did change my make up yesterday, so you can decide the relevance of that if you wish. I’ve just been thinking lately, and especially after the chat with my friend, that there is no point being upset or annoyed about aspects of yourself you don’t even want to change in the first place. Although it’s the longest thing you will ever do, life is still too short to be worrying all the time. There are people who will accept you for who you are, and as for the rest - screw them!
This brings me to what I think will be my last point (although I hope you aren’t already thinking that I haven’t made one at all yet). Acceptance: we all crave it, no matter how much we deny it. You don’t have to enjoy being the centre of attention to enjoy a compliment every now and then. Admit it - you want to be accepted just the way you are by someone, preferably someone you’re attracted to. Right? You don’t want to have to apologise for something someone else thinks is a flaw. You shouldn’t have to.
I guess what I’m saying, just to tie it all up in a sentence is this: Stop apologising for who you are, never do anything that compromises who you are, and stop worrying that other people won’t like who you are. If someone makes you feel like apologising, compromising or worrying, then they’re not worthy of your company, your respect, or even your love. Like yourself. Go on - I dare you.
