I wish I had...

I've been thinking a lot today about endings. It started with my last day at Sixth Form, and ended with talks of death. It made me think about my ending. Morbid, I know, but it made me realise that there are so many things I'm doing wrong.

They say that right before you die, or when you think you're going to die, your life flashes before your eyes. But no one said it was the life you lived that you see projected onto the inside of your eyelids. Perhaps it's the things you want to do, or say, or see, that hit you. Not the things you've done right, but the things you never did at all.

How exactly are we supposed to live life? We tip-toe around subjects, avoid people, say that ignorance is bliss - but at the end of it all, there can only be regret. Regret that you never got to speak about that thing again, regret that you never said what you should have said - usually these non-things are due to other people being involved. You can't tell someone you love them because they're married. You can't mention the death of a loved-one because it causes too much hurt to others around you. It doesn't feel right, but it's the right thing to do. Is it, though?

People lie all the time. They lie with words, with smiles, with silence - all for protection. Protection of you, themseleves, other people. Maybe these lies are for the greater good, but it doesn't always feel that way. We are forever left with 'What Ifs'; they create an entire universe in our minds - the life we could have lived with the truth we could have told. But we can't do that. We can't do that because society tells us it's not the right thing.

I guess it's more about the middle of the story than the end. I just mean to say, if you were to stop -just, end - would you be happy with how things are? Or... are you finding yourself thinking about the people, the places, the non-things?

So the question remains - what are you supposed to do about the non-things? Is it really better to live in a world of what-ifs, rather than in one in which you have answers? After all, when the credits stop... you don't get a re-run.