Picture this: you're in an elevator (for the purpose of this post, 'elevator' will now be known as 'lift') and you're going up. There are a few other people in the lift; they're chatting, humming something they heard on the radio, or watching the numbers increase above the lift doors as you feel yourself ascending to the floors above. You're also watching the numbers change, but not out of boredom. You don't feel right. Something's unnerving you and the only thing that can offer you any comfort is to watch the numbers, knowing you're getting closer and closer to getting to your floor, and getting the hell out of that lift.
Relief. The lift stops at your floor. Just as you take a step forward and wait for the doors to open, the floor shudders... the lift drops - one, two, three floors pass at speeds you didn't think possible. Further and further you fall, not knowing what fate will await you at the bottom.
Can you imagine having a dream like this every time something big is about to happen in your life?
It all started during GCSEs. I couldn't understand why I was having the same dream every night, for weeks. Eventually, the dream changed slightly. Now when I get in the lift, I know it's going to fall - but I still get in anyway. I always wake up before I hit the ground, but I do always wake up in a state of panic. When the dreams first started I'd have two or three a night, and so never wanted to go to sleep.
Now I've realised that the dreams are mirroring my uncertainty in life. Which is fine, because now they make sense (although I still get freaked out going in lifts). What I find interesting though, is how the dream has changed. I often wouldn't do something I wasn't sure about a few years ago, but I think that nowadays I view uncertainty as a challenge, and know that what ever will happen will happen for a reason. When I get in the lift in my dreams, I know the lift will fall. When I walk into the unknown in real life, I know there will be ups and downs (no pun intended, and I'm not trying to make my dream literal).
During the recent A Level results, pretty much every one of us was walking into the unknown. Even A* students didn't get into universities they wanted to go to, and so for once, everyone was on a level playing field. If it hadn't of been for the circumstances, the equality of it all would probably have been a very nice thing indeed. On my way into school, each person I spoke too was unhappy with their results, and hadn't got into the university they had hoped to get into. You can imagine how distressing that news is when a) these people are good friends of yours and b) you haven't got your own results yet and so automatically assume the worst. However, I walked into that lift and thankfully, I got out on the level I was heading for.
Now there's the whole worry of going to university. It's a daunting concept considering I've been educated at the same place for the past seven years, with the same people. Luckily for me a couple of people are making the next step by my side, so at least I'm not alone in the lift. At least if it falls, I have other people to scream with. I continue to ask myself if I've made the right decision, if the course will be right for me, if university is right for me... but I guess we won't know the answers for a while yet.
Okay, I'm going to change the subject.
I recently finished reading 'We' by Yevgeny Zamyatin. It was written in 1921 Russia, and is a fascinating insight into Zamyatin's thoughts and (I can only assume) own experiences during the Russain Revolution and World War I. Depending on your personal view of society (and the world, really) the novel could be interpreted as either Utopian or Dystopian. The attitude D-503 (the protagonist) has towards the way society works in the book is actually quite refreshing, and poses many questions as to whether or not individualism is really as idyllic as society believes it to be. There were a few lulls in the book as I found it to have "I'll tell you tomorrow" syndrome quite often, but it was a good read and I recommend it. The ending is especially interesting, and reminds you that although you may have been drawn into D-503's world, the book is really a reflection of the time it was written in.
Just a thought: what would happen if everyone who wanted a baby had to take a personality test first, to see if they were eligible to raise a human being?
Adios,
Tails.
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